Love Yourself In the Writing Ebbs

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My eyes pry themselves open at 8 am, then shut again. Just 9 more minutes. Just hit the snooze. That snooze becomes 10 and soon enough I’m dragging myself out of bed at 9:54 am, still barely awake and yawning my way through the next hour. By 12:30 I’m still blinking slowly as notifications of incoming emails and messages from colleagues flash at me from my browser tabs. Every email feels like it’s oozing out at 2 mph, and just the thought of revising another chapter of my novel makes me want to take a nap.

On days like today, there’s not much I can do about my headspace. You see, I have ADHD. Most of the time, my meds do their work, and I can focus pretty well. But then there’s this thing called PMS that hits and bam, not even the max dosage I’m allowed of my meds can get my head out of the clouds. It just…not gonna happen. Even writing this is taking twice as long as it ‘normally’ would, and this doesn’t even require a whole lot of brain energy.

On days like today, I wonder what it would be like to not have ADHD and PMS. To be as productive as I want, whenever I want. It used to piss me off. It used to discourage me. I used to feel like a failure on days like today.

But now? I’m learning that it’s okay. I got a lot done yesterday, and I’ll probably get a lot done in a couple days from now. The ebbs and flows of productivity are part of my writing process, part of my life. And that’s okay. I don’t have to write 10k words a day to be a ‘good writer’, or even 1k, or 100.

I can just be me, which means productive days as well as days when I want nothing more than to curl up with queer pirate YA and a mug of tea because that’s all the energy and focus I can manage.

On days like today, I’m thankful for comfy pants. And ramen. And friends who will tell me to take care of myself and let it be. So I’m here to do the same for you. Take care of yourself on the ebbs, love yourself on the ebbs, and let them be. You can celebrate the flows later.